today: I woke up, had breakfast, slept some more, pretended to work, created my blog, wrote a blog, ate some more, slept some more, did some facebook, and writing another blog, but mostly just bumming around at home, not being productive.
in Gorden T. Smith's "Courage and Calling", he talked about the significance of meaningful work in men's lives. people are meant to take joy in their work, but along with the fall, the image and the meaning of work had also been distorted, he wrote. how sad.. because i would love to love working.
i love learning. i love thinking. i love writing. i love drawing. i love to do so many things. but the problem is that when such activities become "work", when they are for school, for marks, they become burden, a source of stress and anger.
i love learning, but i hate school.
i love thinking and writing, but i hate essays.
i had hidden away my love of doing art in an almost sacred realm, too sacred for school anyhow.
why?
i feel like i've lost my passion these days. i used to have such a heart for art history. i still do love art. but how come when i am learning so much about art at school, i am not enjoying the studies??? why?
this passionless life bothers me.
is it because art history is truly not my passion [meaning, i truly don't find art history meaningful], or is it simply because i have become lazy and passive with my life? am i chickening away from the road i am taking right now, or am i chickening away from the road i am supposed to take? where does my heart truly lie?
such questions out of frustration,, i want to cry out to the Lord..
whatever my 'ultimate calling' is, i must stop lying to myself that everything is meaningless, because it's just a lie that i will regret about later. i must not let school and work suck joys out of my life!!
i will go work now. i will go own it!
-kim, knowing that she is not living the life Christ want her to live.
there must be a change in kimmy's weather. pray for her courage, please. thanks!
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4 comments:
When you find the answer to why you've become passionless... Tell ME too!!
I seem to have been disinterested in studying psychology now. I'm just not motivated to study and do well on my exams. Is it because I was so dependent on intrinsic motivation that once it faded, I had no other motivations to keep me going? Perhaps I should begin to care about marks again...
have you ever thought about illustrating?
http://www.ortakales.com/illustrators/Hyman.html
I found her story pretty interesting. you might, you might not.
Hey Joyce!
Wow I agree with your passionless post!! There are days when I am so ready to take on life and make the most of my day. But then there are other days when I don't feel like doing anything because I don't feel like it would matter anyways.
Do you ever wonder why some people are so full of passion and have such a strong sense of direction in their life throughout their entire lives while others are just zombies in comparison, living such a mundane life?? What sets these people apart?? This has been bothersome to me and is one of the reasons I enjoy exploring Christianity. It's not to say that non-Christians do not have passions in their lives but from previous observations, it's usually those devout Christians that are the ones who are full of fire and passion, those that are sure of themselves and who they want to become. See what I can't seem to understand is that if we were created in God's image, than shouldn't the same passion be in all his creations? Shouldn't we all be instilled innately with the knowledge of who we want to become? But we aren't, so does this mean that God does not want us to succeed??? I am pretty sure the answer would be no, but how to defend that I am not sure hahaha! But then again success is relative, so what initially we see as success may not be success to others. So maybe you are not enjoying art history right now because you are not finding you are succeeding in it (reflective in your marks). I know for me, I used to define my passion for something passed on my marks. I used to think I was passionate about research in high school. Reflecting back, I probably only believed it because it was something that I was successful at, something I was expected to be doing by others. Now in university, I am not so sure if research is my passion because I don't seem to be excelling at it (using my marks as a measure). See the problem for me is that I naively thought research was a passion of mine because I was "succeeding" in it but now I am starting to reconsider. I don't know if this same situation may apply to you but see if it does?
I am trying now to not define my passions based on my success but now I am not sure how to really define it?? Through prayer?? Through signs from God?? Perhaps, I am not sure.
Weather patterns can be unpredictable but you can avoid being caught off guard by always being attentive and prepared.Just keep an open mind and and open heart, be willing to try everything or and seize all the opportunities you can get to test potential passions.
P.S sorry i ramabled hahaha, i tend to do that :D
When passionless days hit me, there are two things that I do.
1) Savour the passionless state. Ecclesiastes will help.
2) Pray for PASSION! Hosea is a great choice. Jonah is great too.
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