Love of Christ?

let me talk about my day today, and what i did. let me confess to you, friends!

-i woke up, thinking that i feel too lazy to make a trip to downtown. every time i think i can be productive at home, i think wrong. i thought wrong today too. i was not productive. i wonder why i can't be productive at home..

-i 'binge ate'. did you know that 'binge eating' is a type of eating disorder? anyhow, i have a very sensitive stomach, and when i don't watch out what and how much i eat, my stomach reacts and i get stomach pains. well, today i gave into my temptation and had cookies, lots and lots of cookies, croissants, bread, and some more bread. my stomach kind of feels sick right now. oh,, the consequences of our actions... :(

-i am a very dependent person. for all my life, my mental, physical, and emotional being has been depending on people; parents, family, friends.. i guess my asking-tons-of-questions is sort of a form of dependency as well. but recently, someone decided to lean on me for a change; letting the person to depend on me for their mental and emotional well-being. i will be listening to this person complain about life and people, and often i feel like i myself am not emotionally grounded enough to do this; challenging and draining; but i've got to do it. well,, i was supposed to call this person up for lunch today, but the irresponsible, non-caring, and mean kimmy decided not to. so there you have it, my sin of the day.

sins. sinning..
i often have trouble fully accepting Christ's Love; that He loved us that much, that personally. i have hard time believing that this Man and this God in the Holy Bible, such abstract and intangible and unseen Beings, really love you and i with Love, that is wiser, deeper, and more real than the love of our parents. in my head, it makes sense, because our parents, too, are imperfect humans beings, and their love, though so real, powerful, and tangible, can never be Perfect and Holy, but still, still,, i want to ask God:
God, really? You really love me that much; me who is so insignificant, sinful, messed and selfish?
i wish God will just grab my collar, shake me hard, and yell into my ears, my heart:
"Yes, Joyce. I love you. You. I love you that much."

i am such a deaf.

-blind & deaf kimmy.

p.s. please pray for "this person". thanks!