"Relationship"

so i've been thinking about relationships recently.

here it goes.

-a part of me thinks romantic relationship is stupid, and flirting with guys is girly and thus stupid. however, the truth is probably that i am too proud to admit that i do it too, consciously or subconsciously. oh, man.. haha.
-a part of me idealizes romantic relationships, and thus desire it 1) for the wrong reasons and 2) without knowing what it really is.
-a part of me thinks i am too weird and immature to be in a relationship anyhow. i'd say, it's a mixture of insecurity and some truths.
-a part of me in the deep down knows that nothingelse but God and Jesus, the Living Water, can satisfy my thirst; transform my life; and make the core of me and my life peaceful, joyful, hopeful, and meaningful.
and if i were wise, i would live by this truth all the time, and i truly want to, and i wish life was as simple as one can say it; but it is not, because i am sinful, so i have to remind myself or be reminded of this once in a while..

i think it comes down to trusting:
trusting God with every single aspect of my life.

life and its constant struggles.
sometimes i feel like i am constantly 'failing God'. :(

i've been stuck in this house for two days in a row, and i think i am finally going crazy..
i shall go for a walk now. kimmy needs some fresh air in her lung.

-sad kim, wishing to be wiser.